- Reference Number: HEY1615-2026
- Departments: Cancer Psychological Service
- Last Updated: 10 July 2026
Receiving an end-of-life or incurable cancer diagnosis is a deeply distressing experience and nothing can truly prepare anyone for this news. It can feel as though your world has come crashing down and something that you potentially never thought could happen to you, is happening. This leaflet is designed to provide guidance and resources to help you find comfort, support and meaning to navigate this understandably difficult time.
It is completely normal to experience strong and overwhelming emotions when you are told your cancer cannot be cured, or you are given a shorter prognosis. Feelings of hopelessness, anger, fear, uncertainty and even guilt are common and may also affect your family, friends and loved ones closes to you.
Hearing this news can often activate really intense parts of us and make us feel under threat, this threat response results in people responding in a variety of different ways:
Fight: Feeling driven to pursue treatments to extend your life or maintain your independence.
Flight: Avoiding responsibilities and conversations or withdrawing from loved ones.
Freeze: Feeling emotionally stuck, overwhelmed, or simply unable to respond.
Fawn: Completely losing interest in aspects of your life that you may have otherwise enjoyed.
These responses are normal, and you may experience multiple of them over a period of time. But there is no “right” way to feel, and each person will have their own unique experience.
Common worries, questions and concerns come up for people, including: will dying be painful? How will my family and loved one’s cope? What do I do with my time to ensure I make the most of it? What should I say to my family and friends?
These questions are natural and understandable, and you should not feel bad for having them, despite the emotions that come alongside them. While these thoughts can be difficult to manage, sharing them with trusted loved ones or healthcare professionals can help reduce feelings of uncertainty, fear and isolation.
Living Well within an Incurable Cancer Diagnosis
Although your diagnosis may feel overwhelming, there can be living and meaning alongside it:
Being present: Focusing on the here and now can ease feelings of anxiety and worries around the future. Engaging in simple activities that you have usually enjoyed and that are important to you can help the present feel more real.
Sharing with others: Your thoughts and feelings can be lonely to experience when they are distressing, so sharing them with someone you trust can provide some comfort. Alternatively, writing down your emotions or talking to a loved one can help you feel more connected and less isolated.
Doing what matters: Reflecting on what has and continues to bring joy, comfort or meaning can help you focus on the things that matter the most. This can include taking time to connect with loved ones, pursuing hobbies or creating special memories filled with purpose. This may be difficult to manage alongside your diagnosis but try to put your own needs as a priority.
Being kind to yourself: It is important to be gentle on yourself and allow space for your feelings. Self-compassion can be hard when we want to focus on our loved one’s feelings first, but this is your journey, and your feelings are just as important.
Facing End of Life Care
It is normal to feel scared or uncertain when thinking about end-of-life care. Many people have concerns about pain, discomfort and how they will be supported. These concerns are natural and should be expressed to loved ones and healthcare professionals to ensure you have control over end-of-life care and are able to address any worries you may have.
Palliative care teams are available to help manage symptoms, provide comfort and ensure your needs and wishes are respected. Being open and honest with professionals involved in your care will help you feel more prepared, support and independent, giving you the agency you deserve at this time.
Conversations about your wishes, preferences and care plans can be difficult and it is natural to delay these or put these off. However, these conversations are important and are best addressed once the initial shock has surpassed. This may involve talking openly with your loved ones, which can also help them understand what is important to you, and help you work together as a team in achieving these goals.
Resources for Support
If you would like to learn more about these coping strategies, there are several resources that you may find helpful:
- “Living Your Life with Cancer Through Acceptance and Commitment Therapy” by Anne Johnson, Claire Delduca, and Reg Morris (2021)
- “The Compassionate Mind Workbook” by Chris Irons and Dr. Elaine Beaumont (2017)
- https://www.macmillan.org.uk/cancer-information-and-support/stories-and-media/booklets/a-guide-for-the-end-of-life – Link to Macmillan’s end of life guide.
- https://www.macmillan.org.uk/cancer-information-and-support/stories-and-media/booklets/changes-that-can-happen-at-the-end-of-life-easy-read – Link to Macmillan’s information on changes that may occur at end of life, and how to navigate this.
- https://workingwithcancer.co.uk/resources/videos/the-psychological-impact-of-cancer/ – Provides a link to a series of articles written by Dr Jane Clark, Consultant Clinical Psychologist
- https://www.hey.nhs.uk/psychology/cancer/ – Link to our service website which contains resources and worksheets as well as recordings you may find helpful.
- https://www.nhs.uk/tests-and-treatments/end-of-life-care/ – General NHS guide for end-of-life care webpage
If you feel that you are struggling to cope and would like to speak with someone then please talk to your clinical nurse specialist in the first instance.
If you feel it would help to connect with other people going through similar experiences, then you might find it helpful to look at the services that are in your area. If you put your postcode in the link below you will be able to find out more. You can also ask your clinical nurse specialist for advice.
https://www.cancercaremap.org/
If you would like mental health support from services that are not specific to cancer, you can put your postcode into the link below
Article created by the Cancer Psychological Service, Queens Centre, Castle Hill Hospital